#124 Jynx

Whoa! Let’s talk this over!

What can be said about Jynx that hasn’t been said a million times over? Let’s try and take this slowly, a step at a time.

So what is Jynx? It’s Pokemon #124 is what it is. It’s also the final evolution of the only Pokemon line to be Psychic / Ice in the entire series. At least, it is for now. That could change in the future maybe.

But what is she?

I NEED AN ADULT

I NEED AN ADULT

I don’t know. There’s lots of very very strange things about Jynx. Everywhere. I mean I’m sure many of you are probably immediately jumping to the real life controversies about Jynx, and what she is, but I’ll get to that in the second section.

WHAT IS JYNX IN THE CONTEXT OF POKEMON?

Let’s look at the facts. Jynx is very reminiscent of a humanoid female. She has hands, what appear to be visible breasts, big pink lips, and long blonde hair. She’s a Pokemon, in other words.

Or is she? I present to you one of the most bizarre things in all of Pokemon.

Ooh a Pokemon Stadium gi-OH MY GOD

Now, normally when a Pokemon is KO’d in one of the 3D games it goes into a short animation where it collapses. It’s typical, standard fare. Jynx, does not do that. Jynx completely vanishes save for the long yellow hair. So what does that mean?

There are two prevailing theories. Number 1, Jynx isn’t solid. She’s actually some kind of gaseous Pokemon that doesn’t have a solid form despite all appearances. When she gets KO’d that gas dissipates, and the one solid part of her form, the hair, is left behind.

Theory number 2, and the one that I prefer to subscribe to, is way more insane. See, Jynx is just a mass of yellow hair. Jynx is dual typed Ice and Psychic. As a type, Psychic has been known to do some pretty intense things in the Pokemon world, and creating a body for itself is well within those established limits. When Jynx gets KO’d, she loses the ability to keep her physical form up, and her true body, the mass of yellow hair, flutters to the ground.

Also the hair has Ice powers.

Also the hair has Ice powers.

Further adding to the weirdness is Jynx’s speech. The Pokedex states across several games (Starting with Pokemon Stadium) that Jynx speaks a language that is completely incomprehensible. Some elaborate by saying that it sounds like human speech, and a few even say that scientists are actively trying to determine what it’s saying. That’s a bit unusual, isn’t it? Scientists don’t care what other Pokemon are saying, and shouldn’t whatever language other Pokemon speak be just as incomprehensible?

Or what if scientists have already figured out how to understand other Pokemon. Suspend your disbelief with me for a moment.

What if scientists had managed to understand other Pokemon, and could listen in on their conversations and what not. What if then, even with that ability, they were still unable to understand Jynx. That would explain why she’s being singled out, wouldn’t it?

Now get this. In the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games you actually get to play as a human transformed into a Pokemon. As such, you’re able to speak some sort of bizarre universal Pokemon language. All Pokemon can be understood by you, and you can speak with them as well. When a Pokemon joins you they have a handful of lines relating to their current status, and a snippet of dialogue for leveling up.

Jynx though. Jynx is still a mystery. What does Jynx’s dialogue look like in Pokemon Mystery dungeon?

∞XO@#*~♪ ∞XO@#*~♪ Jynx at 51-100% HP
!!O@#*~!  !!O@#*~! – Jynx at 26-50% HP
!!!!!!~! !!!!!!~! Jynx at 1-25% HP
∞XO@#*~♪♪♪ ∞XO@#*~♪♪♪ – Jynx levels up

Jynx is spooky.

DID YOU KNOW?

THAT JYNX IS RACIST?!?!?!*

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Probably.

I’m sure this is the part that most of you reading this are interested in. Jynx was at the center of some very real controversy surrounding Pokemon back in the early 2000’s. The accusations were that Jynx is a racist caricature of black people. And it’s very hard to deny the similarities between old, black-faced Jynx, and other racist cartoon characters.

Like *sigh* Marvel's Whitewash Jones

Like *sigh* Marvel’s Whitewash Jones

Nintendo reacted as most companies would, and altered Jynx’s appearance. Her skin was changed from pitch black to a light purple. And in the decade plus since people have argued about whether or not Jynx was actually intended to be racist. Arguments range from Jynx being based on Ganguro, a Japanese fashion trend, various characters or monsters from Japanese mythology, or even just the classic design of an opera singer.

Lots of good points have been presented to the “Jynx isn’t racist” side of things, with GameTheory in particular having a well-thought-out video as to why she’s 100% innocent of all accusations.

Now, I love GameTheory. I really, really do. But I have to disagree with them here, simply because inspiration can come from more than one source. While I agree with the sentiment that Jynx is likely based on a yama-uba, I still think that once they’d come up with a general idea for Jynx’s design, they added the blackface thing because Pokemon is full of ideas like that.

See, Japan is extremely homogenous, with something like 98% percent of the people living in it being Japanese. Making them seem dumb is not my intent, but it’s a fairly well known fact that most things other nations could find racist fly over the head of Japanese people. In 2009 (Yes, 2009. Almost a decade after the Jynx thing) a Japanese actor actually performed Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” on a TV show in full blackface. It was intended to be a tribute to black culture, and the audience had no negative reaction to it whatsoever.

Just look at how big those lips are!

Just look at how big those lips are!

In short, I really think that Jynx’s design was intended to reference a woman in blackface. However, I don’t believe for a second that it was done maliciously. It was just an unfortunate side effect of Japan’s homogeneity.

BUT THAT’S JUST A THEORY. A ME THEORY. Thanks for reading.

USING JYNX IN BATTLE

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Oh man what do we have here. 95 Speed is pretty alright. 115 Special Attack is nice. 95 Special Defense is also pretty nice.

Shame about the everything else. 65 HP doesn’t do much good for that 95 Special Defense, and an absolutely pitiful 35 Base Defense is just terrible. This makes Jynx an extremely risky Pokemon to use.

On the one hand it has Nasty Plot, and can get dual STABs in Ice Beam and Psychic / Psyshock. On the other hand, almost all priority moves absolutely demolish Jynx. Fake Out and Mach Punch can lay a nice meaty dent into Jynx, but Shadow Sneak, Sucker Punch, and Bullet Punch are usually a death sentence.

SO, Lovely Kiss is a move you’ll definitely want. If you want to risk playing Jynx as a sweeper, then Nasty Plot would be your next choice. Then just stick your dual STABs on top for all 4 moves. If you’re looking for more of a revenge killer then, swap out Nasty Plot for Focus Blast, or Energy Ball. Depending on situations you find yourself encountering, you may want to also consider Frost Breath instead of Ice Beam. While it is weaker (Frost Breath has 60 BP but always crits for effectively 90 BP vs Ice Beams 95 BP) and has a lower accuracy, it won’t be deterred by screens, or overly defensive Pokemon.

As a final option, you can throw a Choice Scarf onto Jynx, and have it use Trick to disable any Pokemon on the enemy team that depends on setting up. Dry Skin is always the ability you should go for to add a much-needed immunity, and you’ll want to decide between a Life Orb as an item, for more power, or a Focus Sash to get you an extra turn to save you from the inevitable OHKO.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 1/5
“I’ll have some of that, please!” – No one, ever.

DESIGN: 4/5
Yama uba, blackface, opera singers, yokai, etc etc. Jynx is a hilarious smorgasbord of random designs glued together to create a creepy Pokemon that may secretly be a pile of hair.

BATTLE: 3/5
Too risky to rate higher, too many good aspects to rate lower.

WAIT A SECOND: BLACKFACE / AND DRY SKIN?
Now THAT’S racist.

OVERALL: 2.6/5

Fun fact: Jynx’s cry is actually the longest ever

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#122 Mr. Mime

What's that buzzing sound?

Did it just get colder in here?

Ugh.

Ugh.

THE DARK LORD WILL BE PLEASED WITH THIS ACQUISITION

THE DARK LORD WILL BE PLEASED WITH THIS ACQUISITION

Mr. Mime is quite possibly one of my least-liked Pokemon of all time. It’s the one I hate most off the top of my head, but I also get strange, pounding headaches and lose concentration when Mr. Mime enters my head. So I’ll refrain from trying to think of anything I hate more than Mr. Mime and concentrate on pounding this out.

Mr. Mime is the worst. It’s just the worst. It has creepy horns that also kind of sort of resemble bat wings. Its torso looks like a giant Tylenol tablet that someone cut in half and glued pink gumdrops to. Then emerging from those gumdrops are stick-thin arms shaded a pale pink. Curly-toed shoes complete this hellish ensemble giving Mr. Mime a look that will haunt your dreams and eat your children.

IT WILL NEVER BE YOUR BIRTHDAY AGAIN

IT WILL NEVER BE YOUR BIRTHDAY AGAIN

I don’t even know what they were going for with Mr. Mime. Well, I say that because I don’t think “Soul Crushing Terror” is the kind of emotional response that they were hoping for from this weird thing. Every part of Mr. Mime’s design is unsettling, and I think adding Mime Jr. in Generation 4 was an attempt at quelling the evil that lurked in children’s closets. The evil that they unleashed when Mr. Mime was conceived.

But the strangest thing about Mr. Mime? The part that I will never understand? For some reason someone decided that Delia Ketchum, Ash’s mom from the anime, needed a Mr. Mime to hang out with her around the house.

LEAVE ME BE FOUL SHE-BEAST

LEAVE ME BE FOUL SHE-BEAST

I can only imagine that this was an attempt at humanizing Mr. Mime, and making it a bit more approachable, but it didn’t do that for me. It just made me wonder how hardcore Ash’s mom must have secretly been in order to have a Mr. Mime under her control

It can’t be easy for an abomination against mankind to be stuck sweeping and doing common household chores for a lonely housewife. Some people have used the fact that it’s just a Mr. Mime and Delia in the house all  that time as a setting for Pokemon fanfiction. The naughty kind. The kind I had to look up and make sure it existed so I could confirm I wasn’t speaking out of hearsay and hapenstance.

YOUR FATHER WISHED FOR A SON

YOUR FATHER WISHED FOR A SON

For as much as I hate Mr. Mime I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like seeing that evil monster having to do humiliating tasks. It’d be like stepping outside and finding Osama bin Mega Hitler sweeping your neighbors driveway. You wouldn’t want to come near him cause, I mean, come on. I’m not going near Osama bin Mega Hitler.

But it’d still be fun just to watch him do something so menial for awhile.

DID YOU KNOW?

Every Pokemon game ever has some in-game trades you can do with NPC’s in-game. While most of these are just to have some Pokemon that you may not have for whatever reason, some are definitely unique in that they offer Pokemon you can not get anywhere else. In Generation 1, Mr. Mime was one such trade.

From this guy on Route 2

From this guy on Route 2

Well, in Pokemon Red and Blue only, this guy wanted to trade you an Abra in exchange a Mr. Mime. So you do the trade, and once you decontaminate your cartridge you’ll notice that the Mr. Mime is nicknamed Marcel! As with pretty much everything this isn’t confirmed, but is probably a reference to a very famous real life mime, Marcel Marceau.

Significantly less creepy!

Significantly less creepy!

Marcel Marceau was one of the most famous mimes pretty much ever. He went by the stage name of Bip the Clown, and actually performed for troops after the end of WWII. In the 50’s he became world famous as he spread “The Art of Silence” and even wrote a couple of children’s books. I didn’t know much about him before all this, and I wonder why they named the spawn of Satan after him in Pokemon Red and Blue.

Thankfully, that egregious error was corrected, and the Mr. Mime was named Miles in Pokemon Yellow, and Mimien in Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen.

And we all learned to appreciate mimes a little more today.

And we all learned to appreciate mimes a little more today.

USING MR. MIME IN BATTLE

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Mr. Mime is pretty not great. Now, having said that, I would be failing in my duties if I didn’t mention that Mr. Mime was, for a short period of time, an absolute must on the most brokenly powerful type of team that popped up as a result of Generation 6’s changes to the meta. Baton Pass was always a bit of a gimmick during Generations 2-5, but the addition of a good new Speed Booster, among other small changes made Mr. Mime, who has access to the ability Soundproof, and thus immunity to Roar, a required part of running a successful Baton Pass team. Times have changed since then, the meta has evolved, and Mr. Mime is now back where it belongs. In the trash.

So, if you’re going to use one anyway, the first thing you’ll notice is its stats. Bottom heavy, but I already made the fat bottomed girls joke somewhere else, so I’ll just point out that all of its assets are in Special Attack, Special Defense, and Speed.

Calm Mind is, in general, the best set a Mr. Mime can run in my opinion. Give it Calm Mind, Dazzling Gleam, and Psychic or Psyshock. For the fourth slot you’ll want either Encore, to try and lock your opponent into undesirable moves, or more coverage in the form of Shadow Ball. Leftovers or a Life Orb will complete the set! If you want a more suicidal option, then you can run Dazzling Gleam, Shadow Ball, and Focus Blast for coverage. Then, for a fourth slot, run Healing Wish to heal anything that is going to be coming in after and keep your team alive.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 1/5
STAY AWAY.

DESIGN: 3/5
It gets across the whole mime + clown thing fine. Too bad it looks like it walked out of your nightmares.

BATTLE: 1/5
Mm. Nah.

I┴: ʞƎƎԀS/H∀ԀԀƎNINפ
HƎ˥Ԁ

OVERALL: 1.6/5
122
I’ll seal you in an invisible box. Forever.

#121 Starmie

Starmie is feeling down

Starmie is feeling down

Starmie is a criminally underrated Pokemon. It’s pretty great in battle, and it’s got an interesting design. That same yellow thing all over Staryu is now much more uniform in shape, and the round gem has been updated to a brilliantly cut jewel. A Psychic typing was superglued on top of all that and now we have Starmie.

Now, let me make one thing clear. I like Starmie, but it creeps me out. It’s a tenacious like. I can’t help it. I like the purple color and the whole two starfishes stacked on top of each other thing, but I don’t like how the bottom one moves around.

Get that outta here!

Pidgeotto has had enough of your mess Starmie!

See, when I look at Starmie all I can see is two Starfish stacked on top of each other. It looks like they’d move in tandem and all that, but they don’t. Starmie is able to move the top or bottom starfish separately of the other, and it looks super creepy. Sometimes it stands on the front star while the back one spins around, and sometimes it’s reversed.

And I’m talking full spins here, not just like they have a little bit of freedom. These are moving like they’re not attached to anything except for a drill.

Don't mind me! Just haunting your dreams!

Don’t mind me! Just haunting your dreams!

Then that raises all kinds of questions. How well attached are Starmie’s two halves? Do they grind up against each other and make a horrible sound that is just edited out of the games and show? Or do they make no sound? Do they have to be well-oiled to make no sound? Are they cutting out scenes of Misty spraying some WD-40 between the two halves so Starmie doesn’t make squeaky sounds?

More than anything else though, this just makes me think that Starmie has it all wrong. While it’s busy shooting water, ice, or psychic energy at opponents it’s missing on the best possible way for it to attack.

By aiming for the teeth with the gem!

By aiming for the teeth with the gem!

That method, of course, is spinning. I know I said last time that Staryu could probably spin and do some damage pretty well, and for the unitiated it may seem like Starmie would be less effective at it. After all, two blades with some space inbetween shouldn’t work, should it? I actually don’t know…

…if they’re spinning in the same direction. Thanks to Starmie’s unique ability to control them individually, it can, theoretically, spin the two in opposite directions. And that, I know for a fact, is more effective than a single spinning blade.

Or so I’ve been told. Years ago there was this show called Pitchmen on the Discovery channel starring the late great Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan. In one of the episodes they showed off a man who’d invented what was basically a handheld saw with two blades placed close together that spun in opposite directions. He then proceeded to cut a car in half with is miniature saw.

All I’m saying is imagine Starmie making use of that incredible destructive power and just like, flying straight through a Snorlax or something. That’d be horrifying, but also educational for everyone.

DID YOU KNOW?

One thing that’s always frustrating to hear is someone trying to determine what a Pokemon is based off of. Like, it’s obvious that Staryu is a starfish, but what about Starmie? To me that answer is obvious too, it’s not based off anything in particular. They took their already stylized Starfish Pokemon, and added onto it to make it look cool and unique.

Some people don’t like that answer though, and look for other solutions.

Starmie! Circa 500 BC

Starmie! Circa 500 BC or so

Way back in the ancient times of Mesopotamia there was a lot of Gods and Goddesses being worshiped.  Among those was a Goddess of Heaven, known as Inanna (Or Ishtar, as she may have also been known? I’m not 100% there’s a lot of info here to take in at once)

Anyway, as cool as it would be to have a Pokemon based off of an ancient Goddess, she doesn’t hold much relevance to this story. However, way back then, because people didn’t have the modern niceties of things like telescopes, Venus was thought to be two stars in the night sky. The morning star, and the evening star. These were supposedly Inanna in her celestial form, and basically became a symbol to represent her. Two stars laid on top of each other, with a circle in the center. The star of Ishtar. It does bear a pretty interesting resemblance to Starmie.

Unfortunately, as much as I’d love to believe this was intentional, I don’t think it was. If anyone out there can provide any more supporting evidence I’d love to think that GameFreak did something that cool, but for now I’m just going to assume that it was a cool, unintentional reference.

And a sweet shirt design too!

And a sweet shirt design too!

USING STARMIE IN BATTLE

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Starmie is actually pretty solid in battle. It’s lost a bit of usefulness as of Generation 6 thanks to the Dark type’s buffs and the continued weakening of the Psychic type, but it still can surprise you if used carefully!

Anyway, Starmie’s got two main things it can pull off, just like Staryu. An offensive set that utilizes a choice item and a less offensive set that utilizes Rapid Spin. If you’re going to be a Rapid Spinner, then you’ll of course want Rapid Spin in your arsenal, along with Scald, Recover, and Ice Beam / Thunderbolt / Psychic. Since Eviolite no longer works Leftovers will have to suffice, and you’ll need to pump EV’s into HP and Speed, while Natural Cure is the best defensive ability you get.

The Choice set is mildly more interesting though. Basically pick from a Choice Scarf or Choice Specs, and make sure Analytic is the ability this time. Hydro Pump over Scald again, and Thunderbolt is also a must. However, you’ll also want Trick, so you can force that Scarf or Specs onto someone at whim, and cripple them with the burden of a Choice item they weren’t expecting! After that you’ll really just want to pick between Ice Beam or Dazzling Gleam for your last move. Ice Beam offers greater coverage, but Dazzling Gleam gives you a solid weapon against Dark types that will try to stop you.

Either way, Starmie is pretty solid, and a Pokemon I’d definitely try out if you haven’t yet.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 5/5
Two stars. Purple. And a big light-up gem in the center! Starmie is pretty and cool all at once.

DESIGN: 4/5
I like the simplicty behind just adding a second star behind the first, even if it is a little lazy. The updated gem is a great touch too.

BATTLE: 4/5
Another solid contender. I love Starmie in battle and hope it gets another surge of popularity soon. maybe in the form of a mega!

REST IN PEACE: BILLY/MAYS
I don’t care if anyone else doesn’t care. I was a big fan of the show Pitchmen, and to see it end so soon due to Billy Mays’s untimely passing makes me sad ;_;

OVERALL: 4.3/5
121
Coming soon to a jugular near you!

 

#103 Exeggutor

Not even going to try and wrap my head around this one.

Not even going to try and wrap my head around this one.

I’m willing to accept that there are people that like things I don’t like. That’s part of being an adult. If someone were to write an article saying Pokemon was dead I’d probably be like, “Hey, man, that’s not cool. Pokemon’s not dead.” and I wouldn’t start a months-long campaign wherein I waged war against that person and like-minded people.

However, I make an exception to anyone who says they like Exeggutor. No. What is there to even like? First off, Exeggutor is fat. And I’m not saying that fat things can’t be loved, but Exeggutor is an extremely awkward kind of fat. Look at the girth on that thing’s torso vs the slender legs.

No really. Just look. Let it sink in.

No really. Just look. Let it sink in.

I’m suddenly realizing how very much Exeggutor reminds me of The Simpsons. That weird, general body shape. Those uniform-thickness legs. And , most importantly, the yellow heads. They even have that weird overbite thing that Matt Groening art loves so much.

But then again, there’s no relevant Google results for Simpsons Exeggutor so I may be the only one in the history of the planet who’s noticed this. Or maybe I’m just forcing the image in my head.

BUT SERIOUSLY I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE RIGHT

BUT SERIOUSLY I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE RIGHT

So Exeggutor is based off of a coconut tree, right? No, seriously, I’m asking. Those heads don’t look like coconuts. Coconuts are brown and hairy and hard. These are yellow and smooth, and, well, they don’t look hard. They also have faces on them. Kinda like the Exeggcute from which they evolve.

This brings me to my next major problem with Exeggutor. This thing has three heads. Sure, that’s all well and good, except that Exeggcute is always depicted as six eggs. Half of the heads are lost in evolution. I’m sure someone out there will be like, “It’s a different organism! What does it matter?”

To which I say, “Read the Pokedex sometime.”

PREPARE FOR SOME KNOWLEDGE SON

PREPARE FOR SOME KNOWLEDGE SON

Legend has it that on rare occasions, one of its heads will drop off and continue on as an Exeggcute.

Both Exeggcute and Exeggutor’s Pokedex entries also state that, if separated from their group, the single eggs will use Psychic powers to find other nearby Exeggcute and form another group of six. Somehow these waves aren’t emitted while Exeggutor is attached to its body, or else it’d have Exeggcute following it at all times.

Then again…

Not this again

Not this again

Exeggutor does have access to moves like Barrage, and Egg Bomb. Maybe there really is a huge number of Exeggcute following it just offscreen and it makes use of them for these moves? I’m sure an Exeggcute can’t replace one of its lost heads instantly, so it’s not likely that it would use one of its own heads as a projectile weapon.

BUT THEN DOES THAT MEAN IT USES ITS OWN OFFSPRING AS A WEAPON? FORGET THIS. I’M DONE. I’M NOT THINKING ABOUT EXEGGUTOR ANYMORE.

Did you really think you could defeat me?

Did you really think you could defeat me?

DID YOU KNOW?

I know I started that previous thing by saying that it was impossible for anyone to legitimately like Exeggutor. Oddly enough, before I started writing, I really believed that. A lot of people like to claim that they like some idiotic thing in an attempt to be unique and earn cred with strangers online. A particularly popular unpopular example of this is Pokemon #206 which I will get to someday I swear.

But, while looking stuff up, I did find out that there is someone who legitimately loves Exeggutor.

This guy seems important.

And even then I’m a little bit skeptical

Tsunekazu Ishihara is the President and CEO of The Pokemon Company. Apparently, all through Pokemon Red and Green’s testing phases he made use of an Exeggutor, and it became his favorite Pokemon as a result of it.

That’s right. The big important guy that oversees all aspects of Pokemon. From the anime, to the games, and even the trading card game, is a big fan of Exeggutor. I can’t even wrap my head around that. How? If he likes it so much why hasn’t there been anything else like Exeggutor in future generations? Is it still his favorite? The interview I found was from 2000, and we didn’t even have Gen 3 at that time. Maybe he’s a big fan of Wailord now?

THIS WILL NEVER NOT BOTHER ME

THIS WILL NEVER NOT BOTHER ME

If I had any kind of clout I’d call him up right now and demand an updated answer. But I don’t, so I’d probably just get an automated system that doesn’t even know what a Pokemon is.

USING EXEGGUTOR IN BATTLE

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Confession time! I wasn’t even remotely interested in battling until Generation 5. I never knew Exeggutor as anything but an awful Pokemon, when, it turns out, Exeggutor used to be amazing.

A combination of that solid Defense and HP stat, plus a very usable 125 Special Defense, and of course, its abilities, made Exeggutor a pretty decent force in battle. Small changes have accumulated over time though, and Exeggutor is largely a joke these days.

Exeggutor has two fantastic abilities at its disposal, but both require Sunlight to work at their maximum. Chlorophyll will, as mentioned before, double its Speed stat, while Harvest will replenish lost berries. You’ll want to pick between either a Sweeper role or a Defensive role then.

For Sweeper, go Chlorophyll, and slap Solarbeam onto Exeggutor. Psychic or Psyshock is a good secondary STAB, while Hidden Power Fire is a good option that the sun also boosts. Sleep Powder or Sunny Day is also good for a fourth moveslot, while a Life Orb is a good option for a hold item. If you want even more power, Choice Specs can be used, and Leaf Storm becomes a viable option over Solarbeam in the event of no Sun. Giga Drain is another solid option available, but if you’re not running a defensive variant it’s usually better to stick to more powerful attacks.

For a Defensive Exeggutor, you’ll want to hold some kind of useful berry. Sitrus is common, but I personally prefer Lum to avoid things like Toxic. Plus it means you can use Rest to heal off anything else. Sleep Powder, Giga Drain, Psychic, and Rest is standard. You can also run a Substitute + Leech Seed variant, but I prefer to keep things simple.

Unfortunately, things like Bug getting a lot of good Pokemon in Gen 5, coupled with Exeggutor’s 4x Weakness to the type has lowered its effectiveness drastically in the past two generations.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 1/5
Ahahahahahahahahahaha. Awful.

DESIGN: 3/5
It’s a coconut tree but the coconuts are heads! I mean, there’s worse Pokemon out there, but at least this is creative.

BATTLE: 2/5
If this was Generation 4 it would get a 3. If it was 3 it would get a 4. If it was 1 or 2 it would get a 5.

I MEANT TO: GET THIS/UP LAST NIGHT
But I totally forgot to write until like midnight. I’ll do another one later though.

OVERALL: 2/5
103
Those faces are dead.

#102 Exeggcute

I refuse to eggcept this as a Pokemon.

I refuse to eggcept this as a Pokemon.

I find myself defending certain Pokemon a lot. I have to tell people that no, it’s really quite alright that Trubbish and Garbodor are based on piles of garbage. It’s okay if Klefki is based on a keyring because it’s a cute design!

I don’t do that for Exeggcute. If there’s any one Pokemon that deserves complaining about in Gen 1 it’s Exeggcute. Mostly. See, while writing this I came around to the hidden pun in Exeggcute’s design that makes me like it slightly more. I think. I don’t know. You’ll see.

WHICH OF THESE IS WORSE?!

WHICH OF THESE IS WORSE?!

Exeggcute is a strange Pokemon. It’s six eggs. Or, at least it looks like them. Maybe that’s why it was given the name Exeggcute? It was around for almost a decade before Exeggcute’s appearance was finally addressed again. Pokemon FireRed’s Pokedex states that while Exeggcute looks like a bunch of eggs, it really is closer to a bunch of seeds biologicallly.

This makes sense. It really, really does. I remember doing some dumb project in Elementary that involved snipping off the top of an egg shell, cleaning out its insides, and filling it with dirt. Then we planted some tiny plants and made a tiny planter. It was adorable.

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS BEFORE I GO MAD

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS BEFORE I GO MAD

Then someone earlier today pointed out the big bad pun I’ve been overlooking all this time. Why is Exeggcute a bunch of eggs? Why is it a bunch of seeds disguised as eggs? Why is it a Grass type? Why does it evolve with a Leaf Stone?

For me this was world-shattering. Are you ready?

Eggplant

Eggplant

Literally a bunch of eggs. Except they’re plants. Eggplant. A pun of this caliber won’t be seen again until Generation 4’s Shaymin, a hedgehog.

Unfortunately this doesn’t really work in Japanese. Eggplants are aubergines in Japanese, and Exeggcute’s name is Tamatama, which makes little sense. But whatever, this is English, baby! Gotta stick to what I know! And I know that eggplant is a thing of beauty when it comes to puns.

The weird thing to me is how much of a Japanese thing eggplants are. Like, seriously. What is with eggplants. We had eggplants in Ice Climbers…

Are you ready for a huge list of eggplants?

Are you ready for a huge list of eggplants?

…followed up with Eggplant Man, from Wrecking Crew…

This game is super weird. Why does it even exist?

 

…and who can forget the annoying eggplants from Adventure Island…

Which are apparently so vile they will kill Professor Higgins after a short time.

Which are apparently so vile they will kill Professor Higgins after a short time.

…and the super evil eggplant from Adventure Island IV….

Notable because OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

Notable because OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

…there’s also the unforgettable eggplant retainers from Kickle Cubicle…

Is it pronounced Cue-Bickle? Or Cue-Bick-El?

Is it pronounced Cue-Bickle? Or Cue-Bick-El?

…and Miss Eggplant from Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom…

Still one of the worst titled NES games

Still one of the worst titled NES games

…which also featured eggplant soldiers…

Don't ask why only Miss Eggplant looks like a human either

Don’t ask why only Miss Eggplant looks like a human either

…and who could forget the eggplants from the oft-forgotten Dig Dug 2: Trapped in Paradise…

Aside from, you know, everybody.

Aside from, you know, everybody.

…or the level full of them in Rainbow Islands…

And they're each worth 500 points!

And they’re each worth 500 points!

…and Kid Icarus’s eggplant wizards can also turn you into an eggplant!

The one eggplant I'm sure everyone can name from memory

The one eggplant I’m sure everyone can name from memory

I may have gone a bit overboard, but that’s because my head hurts when I try to think of Exeggcute. I also stole all of these images from Syd Lexia, a site that I love and doesn’t update nearly often enough. Click anywhere on this paragraph to visit his Eggplants in NES games page.

DID YOU KNOW?

 So, as much as I love the eggplant connection (And won’t deny that the possibility still does exist for that to be the origin) there’s a second possibility for Exeggcute’s name. See, there’s a kind of tomato that’s colloquially known as the Egg Yolk Tomato.

I really really don't like any kind of tomatoes.

I really really don’t like any kind of tomatoes.

Now, at first I thought, “Yeah, that kinda makes sense I guess, but the connection there is a little weak to me.” because I’m the smartest person ever and don’t let your local Pokemon Professor tell you otherwise.

But then I remembered something. Shinies! A quick google search later, and, yup. Exeggcute’s shiny is indeed a golden, yolky color.

But again. That’s just another theory. Do with it what you will.

I ALSO HAVE A THEORY SAYING THAT GIRL IS GOING TO EAT  THE HELL OUT OF THOSE EXEGGCUTE

I ALSO HAVE A THEORY SAYING THAT GIRL IS GOING TO EAT THE HELL OUT OF THOSE EXEGGCUTE

USING EXEGGCUTE IN BATTLE
Little Cup only!

stats via pokemondb

Exeggcute actually has a very neat gimmick it can pull off in battle. Like, seriously, until Generation 6 Exeggcute was the only Pokemon in Little Cup capable of pulling off the rather annoying Harvest strat.

Exeggcute gets access to the ability Harvest, which basically makes it so there’s a chance that it will replenish a berry after it gets eaten. This chance is upped to 100% if the Sun is out, basically making it so if you don’t kill a Harvest Pokemon in one shot it will heal back most of its lost HP before even factoring in moves that are likely up such as Leech Seed.

So, because this Little Cup, you’ll want to give Exeggcute an Oran Berry, and Leech Seed. Substitute is a great move after that (Which can also activate your Oran Berry, healing you to full immediately) while Giga Drain makes for a great attack. You can also try for Sleep Powder if you want to inflict a status instead of Leech Seeding (Which is also viable since HP amounts in Little Cup are so low) Your last slot has a few good options, and you’ll mainly want to pick between Psychic for a secondary STAB, Protect to stall out more turns for Harvest, or Hidden power Fighting / Fire for coverage.

Unfortunately, this strategy has lost a lot of its usefulness thanks to things like Knock Off being so prevalent these days. Harvest will only give you another berry if the previous one was consumed, and not if it was forcibly removed. It also doesn’t help that Exeggcute, being part Psychic, is weak to Knock Off.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 3/5
That’s right. A three out of five. Because it looks like eggs even though it’s not supposed to be. Of course, one could argue that they’re just trying to correct an old, dumb mistake of making them look like eggs in the first place, which is why it only gets a score in the middle.

DESIGN: 5/5
EGGPLANTS? EGG YOLK TOMATOES? BRILLIANT!

BATTLE: 2/5
I forgot to mention it, but the weather debuff in Gen 6 also greatly affected Exeggcute’s usefulness.

THE LACK OF EGG: PUNS IS/EGGFURIATING
I’m bad at throwing puns into everyday conversation. Have one in image form though.

THANKS FOR THE WELL WISHES

THANKS FOR THE WELL WISHES AWFUL PUN

OVERALL: 3.3/5

I refuse to acknowledge the broken egg in the back.

#097 Hypno

There's nothing to be afraid of, children.

There’s nothing to be afraid of, children.

I’ve been very busy most of this month and will continue to be busy for the next couple of months. Luckily, I’m not nearly as busy as I was last month, so I am going to cut back to only updating every other day, but at least I’ve got plenty of time if I do that!

Anyway, Hypno, is creepy. There’s no two ways around it. I mean, crazy people were going after Alakazam and Kadabra in an attempt to demonize Pokemon, but the perfect example of horror was sitting right under their nose. It’s even a yellow-colored Psychic type too! That weird, sickly yellow color. Hypno is completely naked. I know, I know, most Pokemon are completely naked, but Hypno has no defining features on its body whatsoever. It’s just a glob of yellow clay molded into a humanoid figure. There are no distinctive markings, it has no differently colored underbelly, its hands and feet are uniform, nothing. The only thing that separates its body is a furry, white collar around its neck that is separated enough to make it look like it was just glued there. Also, it holds a pendant.

Ever heard of hypnosis?

Ever heard of hypnosis?

A lot of people like to paint Hypno as an anti-semitic Pokemon. This is where the blog is going to get a little dark, so let me just outright state that the following could be a little much for sensitive people. I know because it’s the first time I ever felt uncomfortable doing research for a Pokemon article.

Anyway, a lot of people like to claim that Hypno is an anti-semitic Pokemon. I personally don’t think this is true, because, well, one of the common claims that links the two together is pretty racist (They both steal your dreams! GET IT?! LOL@@@). However, that big hooked nose is definitely reminiscent of the typical racist caricature, and, well, while doing research I came across this.

Ew ew ew

Ew ew ew

This is the movie poster to, “The Eternal Jew”. It’s a propaganda film that was released in 1940, and it’s really quite anti-semitic, in case you couldn’t tell by the horrible caricature right there. It portrayed the Jewish people as an uncivilized, parasitic people who were responsible for all of Germany’s problems at the time, most notably unemployment. It claimed they were abnormal, and depraved, and that culture as a whole had suffered in their presence. It continues with some shocking images of animals being slaughtered, before closing on footage of a speech by Adolf Hitler himself.

Now, I don’t think you need me to tell you that this film was certainly a product of its time, but a lot of people like to draw similarities between the movie’s poster, and Hypno. The nose is the big one for most people, but the furry collar around Hypno’s neck is compared to the facial hair around his face, and such. There’s a barely-passing resemblance in facial structure as well, but I think that line’s a bit too nebulous myself.

So, is Hypno racist? I doubt it. I firmly believe that this is only a coincidence, and not intended by anyone at GameFreak. Still, I do find it interesting how people will to this very day run to complain about Jynx, and be completely unaware of another potentially offensive Pokemon in their midst.

LET'S END ON A LIGHTER NOTE, HAVE HYPNO DOING SWEET YOYO TRICKS.

LET’S END ON A LIGHTER NOTE, HAVE HYPNO DOING SWEET YOYO TRICKS.

DID YOU KNOW?

I mean, the similarities to a propaganda film’s poster are creepy and all, but there is something that is much more conventionally creepy about Hypno. Its Pokedex entries. Let me cherry pick one that proves my point real quick:

It carries a pendulum-like device. There once was an incident in which it took away a child it hypnotized. – Pokemon FireRed

GOD WHY AM I STILL NOT DONE WRITING THIS

GOD WHY AM I STILL NOT DONE WRITING THIS

So, children can magically become Kadabra’s, and Hypno kidnaps children. There’s actually a few creepypasta stories based off this exact premise. I haven’t read them though, because I find the majority of creepypasta to be trite, and boring, but, hey, I could totally be wrong here!

NOT MORE CREEPY. Click for source btw

NOT MORE CREEPY. Click for source btw

Also, that Pokedex entry wasn’t just a silly one-off thing that happened and everyone ignored. A Japanese clothing company actually licensed themselves a few pieces of Pokemon-themed clothing, and Hypno was among the things chosen to receive a shirt. It,  well, it depicted exactly what that Pokedex entry said.

Hypno's Japanese name is Sleeper because originality

Hypno’s Japanese name is Sleeper because originality

USING HYPNO IN BATTLE

bah hahaha

bah hahaha

FINALLY, something thoroughly uncreepy about Hypno. Because Hypno is awful in battle. Simply atrocious. Give it Insomnia as an ability, Leftovers as an item, and pump its HP and Special Defense stats. Protect and Wish are good because that’s all Hypno is good for. If Hypno is near death, you use Wish, then Protect to receive a heal. If Hypno is not, but someone else is, then you use Wish, and switch to another Pokemon, to heal them. It’s just that simple.

Hypno isn’t going to be doing much damage with that hilarious attack stat, but it’s still good to have an attack, so Psychic is good for a third move, while a status move is good for the last slot. Thunder Wave or Toxic is recommended, based on if you feel your team needs more support, or if you want to just use a full-on tank Hypno.

Or, you could just not use Hypno at all. That’ll probably be a better overall gain for your team.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 2/5
I don’t want this thing anywhere near me.

DESIGN: 1/5
Is it supposed to be racist? Or haunt my dreams before stealing them?

BATTLE: 1/5
Legitimately hilarious.

TIME TO: HAVE/NIGHTMARES

This will be me tonight

This will be me tonight

OVERALL: 1.3/5
9797f
Female Hypno’s have… much more chest hair than the males?!

#096 Drowzee

I’m so high right now man…

I used to hate Drowzee for a lot of reasons, and one of them was I didn’t even know what it was. I mean, it’s got an elephant trunk-like thing sticking out of its face, but nothing else on its pudgy little body looks like an elephant. I think. Truth time, I don’t spend much of my day looking at elephants, so I could be completely wrong here.

Drowzee is based on a Tapir, an animal that, aside from the way its spelled, has no interesting features or qualities whatsoever. Or at least, none that I can say here since I try to keep this place safe-for-work aside from the occasional light cursing. Tell you what, instead of explaining the one thing that makes Tapir’s interesting, I’ll show you a picture.

Delicious

Delicious

A Tapir’s banana is actually prehensile, meaning it can control it in the same way an elephant can control its trunk, or one of us could move our fingers. I’m also pretty sure that in terms of sheer in comparison to the rest of their bodies they may just be the biggest mammals in that regard. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that the banana isn’t covering anymore more than it needs to.

Speaking of bananas, Drowzee.

Do you really think you can defeat me?

Do you really think you can defeat me?

Who’s the best at segues? I am!

Anyway, uh, Drowzee. One thing about Drowzee that I’ve always found unusual is that weird brown wavy line that it’s got going on halfway down its body. It looks like terribly drawn brown pants. It also looks like Drowzee was playing around in the mud right before you saw it. This is what I used to think for years, and it made perfect sense. Other people will just say, “What, are you stupid or somethin’? Drowzee’s colored that way because it is. There’s no underlying reason!”

I reject that notion. Because there’s something else that Drowzee strongly resembles, in my opinion. Are you ready for this? There’s a reason I used a banana to censor a tapir’s -ahem-

Still delicious.

Still delicious.

First things first. You would not believe how difficult it was to find a picture of a banana that’s been only half-dipped in chocolate and wasn’t covered in toppings. But, one was found, and here we are today. Drowzee super duper reminds me of a chocolate-dipped banana! Unfortunately, I’m sure that Drowzee does not taste good. Like, at all. In fact, if I had to assign a taste to Drowzee it would be… well… I don’t know! I’m not some taste connoisseur! I don’t have an experienced tongue. I can’t detect flavor profiles, or other fancy taste-tester language!

I don’t like Drozee. It’s too stubby and tubby. Plus in Pokemon Stadium its nose would always move in this super creepy way that made me want to stay away. Remember kids, if someone ever tries to hand you a roast Drowzee, just say no!

Or try it, if you’re feeling really daring.

SHOOOOOOORYUKEN

SHOOOOOOORYUKEN

DID YOU KNOW?

Yes, we all know Drowzee is based mostly off a tapir, but did you know that the thing that Drowzee was based off of didn’t look like a tapir at all and became a tapir later so people can just say Drowzee was based off a tapir when that’s only a half-truth.

ARE YOU CONFUSED YET?

ARE YOU CONFUSED YET?

So this is what Drowzee is based off of. It’s called a baku, and it’s a supernatural being of Japanese origin. According to legends, a baku basically looks like a crazy creature that’s got an elephant’s trunk, a rhinoceros’s eyes, an ox tail, and tiger paws, which protect it against pestilence and evil, because those are apparently things you need to worry about as a supernatural being. So what makes this baku thing the actual inspiration, and not just a regular ol’ tapir? Well, a baku supposedly will feast on dreams, and nightmares of sleeping people.

Sometimes.

Click for full

Click for full

A lot of the info I found was unclear on whether or not they’d eat nightmares, or just regular old dreams. I don’t really see the point of idolizing a baku if it can’t protect you from nightmares, but, whatever, maybe regular dreams were so scary back then that a reprieve from them would have been just as appreciated. Either way, more modern depictions of the baku added in more tapir elements until it practically was a tapir, and that’s where we get Drowzee, whose Pokedex entries state that it loves to eat dreams.

USING DROWZEE IN BATTLE
Little Cup only!

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Look at those stats. Drowzee is not very good, is it? Well, like so many average Pokemon in Little Cup, Drowzee will work best with a Choice Scarf. Psycho Cut or Zen Headbutt are your two main options in STAB, with one being weaker with a raised crit chance, and the other being stronger with a slightly lower accuracy.

After that you get…. wow, three whole moves to yourself! Well, erm… Drain Punch. Drain Punch is good! In case you couldn’t tell I was implying that Drowzee doesn’t exactly have the most moves around, because after that you’re left with two moveslots and only three worthy moves. So, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, and Fire Punch. Pick two of those, and there you go! Drowzee! Make sure you invest EV’s into your Attack and Speed again, and then just make sure you’re using Insomnia as an ability. Insomnia makes it so you can never fall asleep, which is mildly helpful against the likes of an incoming Spore, or Hypnosis attack or something. The other two abilities are Forewarn and Inner Focus, both of which are so bad I sometimes want to cry.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 2/5
I should have stressed this more, but I didn’t. Tapirs are ugly.

DESIGN: 4/5
Drowzee looks like a tapir but is based off an animal that over time also looked like a tapir but is technically separate. Drowzee is cool.

BATTLE: 2/5
Eh. Drowzee gets alright coverage, but it’s still nothing special really.

I CAN NEVER UNSEE: THE CHOCOLATE/BANANA
Welcome to the club.

OVERALL: 3/5

There’s actually a carrot being dangled just out of frame.