#118 Goldeen

The superior orange and white fish

The superior orange and white fish

Goldeen is a butterface. Everything on Goldeen is nice and pretty, but the face… The face just kinda ruins it. A fish with eyelids is kinda weird, but the green eyes are pretty. The weird part is the big sharp horn, and the weird pink lips. Because it makes Goldeen look very feminine, but, well, you should know how that winds up when Goldeen evolves.

It doesn’t. I don’t quite know what Seaking translates to in Japanese, but it doesn’t really matter. Because it loses all of that too.

And it gets a lot smaller too!

And it gets a lot smaller too!

I think my problem with all of it is that Goldeen evolves into Seaking. If Seaking and Goldeen were two sides of the same coin, separate but equal it’d be cool. But if Goldeen, a super feminine Pokemon with a tail that looks like a nice frilly… thing. It’s not quite a dress? In the anime Misty wore a swimsuit styled after a Goldeen and it really drove home just how feminine this thing looks.

But then Seaking is a big ugly thing. Is it trying to tell us a lesson that nothing lasts forever, especially beauty? Or… what. It’s also got weird pink lips. I don’t know if these are just supposed to be fish lips or if they’re supposed to be visually reminiscent of a woman wearing lipstick.

Like what you see big boy?

Like what you see big boy?

I mean I’m no genius when it comes to recognizing things that the artist may have intended when making a Pokemon, but I’d like to think that I can tell with a design as deliberate as Goldeen’s. It’s referred to as the Goldfish Pokemon, despite not being yellow, or Golden colored at all.

You know what else I love? Being proven wrong. Sometimes some people have huge egos and don’t like when they’re proven to be incorrect about something, but I kind of love it. Because it means I’ve actually learned something. And I’m saying that because I totally did. See, when I began this I was criticizing Goldeen for not looking like a goldfish. And why was that? Because this is the only mental image that would pop up when I searched my brain for goldfish.

meep

meep

Small. Golden. Bug eyed.

Turns out there’s several species of the things. And that’s when I get annoyed. Goldeen has an absolutely atrocious name in Japanese. It’s Tosakinto, which is only 2 letters off of the name of a species of goldfish, the Tosakin. And what does a Tosakin goldfish look like?

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THIS IS SO MUCH LAZIER

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THIS IS SO MUCH LAZIER

Yup. I started writing this knowing one thing, and now I’ve been proven wrong. IN MY OWN ARTICLE. But, rather than rewrite the entire first half of this, I figured I’d let you all know that you’re probably wrong too. Also Tosakin aren’t the only goldfish that Goldeen seems to resemble. There’s also a touch of what may be veiltail in there too maybe. I don’t know. I’m not a fish person. Ask a fish person.

It's pretty though!

It’s pretty though!

DID YOU KNOW?

This one is undoubtedly obvious to a lot of people, but I’m going to go forward with it anyway.

Goldeen has been in all 4 Super Smash Bros. games, and hasn’t been playable in any of them. It shares this rare distinction with only two other Pokemon, Snorlax and Mew!

Goldeen64

In Smash Bros for N64, Goldeen was a horrible jpeg that would promptly use splash by flopping around uselessly. If it was lucky it would fall off an edge and into the infinite abyss below. If it was unlucky then it would just keep flopping around on land until the lack of water made the poor thing explode in a puff of fishy vapor.

In Melee, Goldeen was upgraded to having an actual 3D model now. When it came out of a Pokeball it would use Splash, but, this time, if it was on a stage that had water on the outside, it would swim int he water and go offscreen if it managed to flop off and land in the water.

There wasn’t much of a change going from Melee to Brawl unfortunately. The model might have been sharpened up a tiny bit, had its animations tweaked, and maybe got an updated sound effect. It’s essentially the same Goldeen though. Still comes out and uses Splash until it expires.

And finally, in the recently released Smash 4, Goldeen makes another appearance. Once again it uses Splash, but this time it’s got a really nice new HD model and texture. Goldeen has never looked better!

Fun fact: Goldeen can’t learn Splash in any Pokemon game.

USING GOLDEEN IN BATTLE
Little Cup only!

stats via pokemondb

stats via pokemondb

Not much to look at here. Goldeen is remarkably average for an LC Pokemon across the board. However, it is saved by access to a pretty snazzy ability. Or, at least, it’s good on a Water type like Goldeen.

Lightning Rod! Yes, Goldeen gets access to Lightning Rod, which not only removes one of its 2 weaknesses, it also gives Goldeen a boost to its Special Attack stat when it’s hit by an Electric move. Unfortunately, Goldeen has a terrible Special Attack stat, so it’ll mainly be there as a fantastic pairing with Eviolite in adding to Goldeen’s survivability.

Anyway, Goldeen’s movepool is relatively shallow, but it does give it a pretty wide amount of coverage. Aqua Tail is a good Water typed STAB, meaning you’ve got 3 slots left for coverage. Luckily, Goldeen’s shallow movepool includes the great options Megahorn, Drill Run, and Knock Off! If you don’t want to use one of those, well, too bad. The only other option worth considering is Poison Jab, but those 4 moves are significantly better coverage options than Poison Jab. However, if you’re having a hard time with Fairies, then by all means, feel free to remove anything but Aqua Tail for it.

Add EV’s to Attack and Speed, and your Goldeen will be good to go! Just make sure you have Lightning Rod as an ability, because removing a weakness entirely is absolutely amazing.

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 3/5
A really pretty fish with a frilly wavy tail fin pattern thing. Shame about that face though.

DESIGN: 1/5
This would have scored higher had I not learned that goldfish come in more than one variety. This is laziness.

BATTLE: 3/5
Middling stats prevent it from achieving greatness, but a fantastic ability and pretty decent coverage despite the shallow movepool make it worth considering.

****: YEAH/SEAKING
You’re a day early. I’ll be covering that tomorrow.

OVERALL: 2.3/5
118118f
Male Goldeen have a bigger horn than female!

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