#078 Rapidash

Wait a sec are you tryin’ to trick me again

I was wrong.

Way back when I wrote Nidorino / Nidorina I was mad at how wildly unoriginal they were when it comes to evolutions. I declared that they were the worst example of “It just gets bigger” in Generation 1. Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re still terrible as evolutions, but I was wrong. No, the worst example of “It just gets bigger” in Gen 1 is Rapidash. I think. Gen 1 was absolutely terrible on this front, and off the top of my head a certain Ice-typed Pokemon may be an even worse example. But even that’s just a maybe, because Rapidash is pretty not-amazing across the board.

Rapidash is all too often depicted as a goofball too

So what changes between Ponyta and Rapidash? Well, Rapidash has a horn on its head. A sickly, flesh-colored horn that matches the color of its… coat?

This is something that bothered me yesterday too but I forgot to bring it up. Do Ponyta and Rapidash have fur? I mean I guess there’s other flaming Fire-typed Pokemon that have fur incorporated into their design, but the color of Ponyta and Rapidash make them look fleshy. And, as much as them being furry could be justified, being  fleshy simply works better. Who knows. I think this should be retconned into a better color, but GameFreak seems pretty intent on keeping with all the Pokemon they’ve made as is. Good or bad.

Anyway, the point is that Rapidash’s horn is the same color as its coat. Literally identical, which is horrifying. It makes it look less like a horn and more like a cartoony bump to the head.

THE SECRET RAPIDASH DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW

What other differences are there? Well, the flames go slightly further down Rapidash’s back, and, well, that’s it! Don’t get me wrong, I still like Rapidash, because the concept of flaming horse is always cool. Always. And Rapidash, with the right artist, can look amazingly cool.

Not everyone got the memo it seems

That’s as far as it goes though. Rapidash is as “It just gets bigger” to Ponyta as you can get. Rapidash is cool in a vacuum, but we don’t live in black holes. We live in the real world, and when you bring up all the context, Rapidash is just an uninteresting evolution to an already unoriginal design.

Rapidash is the worst.

Even if it is super cool. Click for source.

DID YOU KNOW?

The original Pokemon games are old. As such, lots of myths and such have sprouted up around them. These range from the obviously fake (Pokemon Black version, etc) to those based on things actually in the game (Lavender Town syndrome, etc.)

However, there’s one NPC directly in the game, no joke, that has been unsettling players for years. Who is this NPC?

As seen in manga form

The Pokemon Fan Club Chairman. In the original games you go to him to receive a Bike Voucher to progress further. So, what’s so bizarre about this guy? It’s his dialogue. He asks if you’d like to hear about his Pokemon. Now, this should raise some red flags to most people immediately, but well, you need this bike voucher. So, you have to accept, and listen to him speak.

What follows is absolutely filthy, depraved, and probably illegal in several countries. He launches into a speech about Rapidash, which is, apparently, his favorite Pokemon. If you’re under the age of 18, I highly recommend you skip this next section. So, here it is, quoted directly from the game.

Good! Then listen up! My favorite RAPIDASH… It…cute…lovely…smart…plus…amazing…you think so?…oh yes…it…stunning…kindly…love it! Hug it…when…sleeping…warm and cuddly…spectacular…ravishing……Oops! Look at the time! I kept you too long! Thanks for hearing me out! I want you to have this!

I’m all for having a favorite Pokemon. Hell, I’m sure anyone into this series has their own favorites, but this guy takes things a bit too far. Even as a kid I found his dialogue to be suspect, but now that I’m an adult it just weirds me out way too much.

And what’s with all those pauses? What could he possibly be doing while talking to you to have him be out of breath that much? I don’t think I need to answer that. I think you have your answer already.

Ravishing

USING RAPIDASH IN BATTLE

stats via pokemondb

Rapidash can run 150 miles an hour but it only has 105 Speed. Gen 1 stat spreads are awful. Rapidash is awful, and can no longer make use of Eviolite for passable bulk.

Luckily, Rapidash’s moveset has been expanded a bit, so it can at least get better coverage on the Physical front. Flare Blitz is, of course, still the STAB of choice, and Wild Charge is still great for coverage. GameFreak likes to give every Pokemon with a horn Megahorn, which is great Bug coverage for Rapidash. If you’re going Choice Band, then your fourth move could be Low Kick, Poison Jab or Drill Run for more coverage. If you’re holding a Life Orb, then Morning Sun is still great to heal off any damage you take, while Hypnosis, though inaccurate, is always good.

Rapidash isn’t great. Not at all. It doesn’t get much of a stat boost from Ponyta, and could really use some more moves in its movepool. Rapidash is just disappointing on all fronts, isn’t it?

ARBITRARY SCORES

APPEARANCES: 4/5
Always I wanna be with you make believe with you

DESIGN: 1/5
Even less original than Ponyta

BATTLE: 2/5
It’s terrible, but that 105 Speed means its at least got a decent chance of going first to survive and smack stuff longer.

NO PONIES: THIS TIME/HAHAHA
A friend linked me to this right as I started writing.

OVERALL: 2.3/5

QUICKLY! SOMEONE DOUSE THAT HORSE!